Image via WikipediaAt the age of 19, I became involved with some people who again led me astray. My son was 1 1/2 and ended up staying with my parents a lot because I started drinking and experimenting with drugs. It only took me about four months to realize what a stupid mistake I was making and what a horrible mother I was being. During this time, I met a man and we began to date. He was an addict, and an abuser. I was young and dumb. When I had had enough of his ways and was about to leave him, I found out I was pregnant. I had a horrible decision to make. I already had one son with an absent father whom I was raising on my own. I didn't want to have another child without a father. I ended up staying in the relationship...
Fast forward nine years and a son and daughter later. I finally am able to find the courage to leave the man I met when I was nineteen who continued to be both an abuser and an addict. I now have three children. I think that I am a good person with pretty even tempered genetics. There isn't too much in the way of health or mental disorders in the family tree. There is some alcoholism and addiction issues. My ex is an addict, and I would argue mentally unstable. His family has a long line of mental disorders and addiction issues.
So I have these three kids...Are my two youngest doomed because they come from a genetic pool of addiction and mental issues? I can't possibly accept that I have bore children who are fated into dysfunctional lives. I am however a realist and I know the research has shown that genetics play a substantial role in who we become. There have been twin studies where twins were adopted out and even though they were raised in totally different families, their personalities and behaviors are still similar. So it has to be the genetics that make them behave in those ways. But, is there no hope then?
Like I said before, I can't accept that answer. I am one of those parents that is always looking for the better way. The better way to discipline, the better way to cook, the better way to be. I put a lot of effort into my kids. Making sure they play sports, and experience a full life. I read to them, play with them, and talk to them. I want to think that all my effort is creating productive and healthy humans. Not that I am just wasting my time because flawed genetics are already at work and I have no control over the outcome.
On the flip side, what happens when you have a whole family of one kind of people, and then that singular rebel that can either be the black or white sheep depending which way they differ. Is their genetics different? Did they choose to be different than the rest because something in their environment showed them that they had a choice?
I am going to end this for now, but I have a lot more I can write on the subject. I really want to know what those of you who take the time to read this think. I think this dialog is truly important for humanity. The answers to these questions will help us create more effective social institutions. We need to know what change is possible for humans. Can you rehabilitate a child molester? Is a serial killer that way because they were born "evil" or was it their environment? Can you create a better humanity or does it have to be bred?
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