Top 10 Thinking Traps Exposed

When dealing with teenagers and adults, a lot of times I try and see the other persons point of view and why they are thinking what they are thinking. There is a point where I just can't understand how people come up with the conclusions they do. I found this blog on the mind and thinking and found it very interesting. It is funny that even when we think our thoughts are completely rational, they may indeed be flawed.

Top 10 Thinking Traps Exposed

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Frustrated

I have to admit I am getting pretty burnt out at my new job already. It is just total chaos there most of the time. The staff is not united, and it seems like everyone is working toward separate goals. The people who have experience are not being listened to, and those in command seem determined to reinvent the wheel.

It makes me a little sad because I had great hopes for what it was going to be like at the shelter. It was my dream job and a chance to move myself up into a position with some influence. I had many great ideas and so much excitement about sharing.

Now I feel tired, unappreciated, and fed up with it all. I typically work the graveyard shift where I get to spend a few hours with kids during their awake time and then get to be a laundry maid, and house cleaner for the rest of the night. It is really boring but I thought I would still be able to contribute through creating policies and helping to build the structure of the shelter, wrong.

I did work my first 4 to 10 shift last week, and it was complete chaos! How in the world do you expect to help these kids if there is absolute mayhem happening around them. The rules are written down but not enforced and the kids have learned that through persistence and manipulation they can typically get their way.

I used to think that my old job was chaotic and disorganized at times, but now I look back and see that it was a well oiled machine in comparison to my new job. Another gripe, is priorities. It seems like how tidy the shelter is or if the kids go to church has become the priority over actual real case management and trying to in better the lives of these kids. Yes it is important to keep the shelter sanitary but to have that be the top concern over all the other things we should be worrying about, really? And yes it is a faith based organization, but we aren't a recruitment facility, if the kids want to go to church great, but we need to find them a stable place to live first, and help them in school, and help them with their emotional problems. Then we can worry about church.

Sorry this is kind of a tangent, but  I am so fed up. I have started looking for another job because I just cannot deal with chaos, especially unnecessary chaos. If people could let go of their egos and reevaluate what exactly it is that we are supposed to be doing here.

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Young Marines -- Is it A Good Program for Kids?

So as I have shared in previous blogs, my sons are having some struggles. My middle son deals with anger issues that I believe stem from living with an abusive father for 8 years of his life and having said abusive mans genes. My oldest son is just a little on the lazy side when it comes to school. So I have been turning over every stone trying to figure out the best ways to help my sons become productive members of society.

So far I have both boys in Taekwondo and in the Young Marines. I also have my middle son in counseling to help learn anger management. I think that learning self control is one of the most important skills a human can learn. Both taekwondo and the Young Marines are based on self-discipline and self-control.

There is a large body of people who think military type programs for kids are too harsh. This is what the Young Marines website says about their program:

The Young Marines is a youth education and service program
for boys and girls, ages 8 through completion of high school. 
The Young Marines promotes the mental, moral, and physical
development of its members. The program focuses on character
building, leadership, and promotes a healthy, drug-free lifestyle.
The Young Marines is the focal point for the U.S. Marine Corps'
youth Drug Demand Reduction efforts.

So far both boys have been in the program for four weeks. They attend every Saturday from 9 to 2 pm. The program starts out by having the kids go through a boot camp type recruit training that ends after 12 weeks with a very big graduation ceremony. I have already seen my boys self-esteem increase as they are able to overcome the physical and mental rigors of the program.

I think that this program will be a positive investment in my sons' futures. What do you think? Am I wrong? Is it to harsh? I am interested to hear your opinions. I will keep you updated on their progress in both programs and their behavior at home as well.

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Good Book About Boys

Image by ouyea... via Flickr

I have been reading this really interesting book by Michael Gurian called  A Fine Young Man. I recommend this book as a must read for anyone raising a son. Very eye opening to men and boys and why they struggle in todays society. Very good book.










The alphabetic synthesis passes the constituent behind the assuming ace.

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Entitlement

What is it about todays youth that makes them believe they deserve (...). When I was a kid I knew my parents worked and provided me with a home and the necessities and while I still desired material goods, I didn't feel like they were owed to me. It seems todays kid thinks that just for being alive they should be given all the toys, clothes, treats, etc. that they desire. We are seeing this behavior at the shelter with the teens a lot. Especially with food. There is a lot of junk food being donated and the kids don't have any issue with helping themselves to whatever they want. Even the clothing that is donated. The majority of the kids we have housed so far are not from impoverished homes and have many material goods. They still take as much as they can. We have had to start limiting all the goods so there will be some for the kids that are really in need.

Has our society become so consumed with consumption that todays youth have an unquenchable desire for stuff. Not only do they have the desire, they feel like it is owed to them. What I find quite amusing is that todays kids do less to deserve all of this stuff. Most don't do chores or work. I was babysitting from the time I was 12 and had a real job at 16. I also had to help around the house. None of my nieces or nephews had chores or worked as teens it seemed.

My kids have chores but still seem like they expect more than they should. They think they should get just as much as the adults who work and support them. Am I the only one who thinks there is a problem. What kind of adults is this generation going to become? Not hard-working. It seems like we are going to have a whole group of adults who expect a lot and don't want to work toward any of it.

Here is a funny link about entitlement: http://www.squidoo.com/entitlement

Just my thoughts...

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When Your Child Has A Problem

Image by DonnaGrayson via Flickr

I try and discuss kids on this blog because I love kids and I want them to live the best life possible. I spend a lot of time with other people's kids. I want to come back to something more personal this entry. I have mentioned before that I am the mother of three children. I have two sons who are 12 and 9 and a daughter who is 4.

This week my son who is 9 and in 3rd grade was suspended from school and may be expelled. He made a really stupid decision and took one of my boyfriend's pocket knife to school. I was so shocked when I received the call from the principal, I even cried a little. I think I am a good parent and I spend a lot of time and effort on my kids. We spend family time together, they play sports, we talk. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and wondering why my child had chosen to make such a dumb decision. He is only nine but very mature for his age. I know he knew better.

So I wanted to share what we are doing as a family to try and rectify the situation and I want any advice or maybe similar stories people feel like sharing.

First consequence was total restriction from all privileges -- tv, video games, computer, mp3 player, and friends.

Second consequence was taking away all violent toys & games (nerf guns, play weapons, etc)

Third consequence was doing chores at home during school hours like yard work, and house chores.

Fourth consequence was writing apology letters to teacher and principal at school.

Fifth consequence is going to happen tomorrow at taekwondo. We just enrolled him in taekwondo last week but they are really great about taking an active interest in his life already. When I told his instructor about the incident at school the instructor was more than willing to help with my son.

I also had a police officer come to the house the next day and talk with my son about what could have happened if he would have pulled the knife out and tried to use it as self defense. He was saying that is why he brought the knife to school in the first place. He said a kid is bullying him on the way home from school. Unfortunately my son is already starting to have an issue with honesty so I don't know what to believe.

I know I have also mentioned in a previous blog that my ex and son's father is an addict, abuser, and liar. The kids don't have contact with him anymore because their Dad cannot be appropriate around them and put them in danger over the summer. I know that being in a verbally abusive relationship for almost ten years was very detrimental to my children. I also wonder about the genetics though. My middle son is so different than my oldest. They were both raised in the same environment but have different bio dads. I don't think my 12 year-old would ever even think about taking a knife to school and he is honest and a very straight laced kid. My middle son has had behavior issues since he was three. I am pretty concerned about what the future holds for my son and our family. One thing is for sure, I will never give up on him. I will try my hardest to help him make the right choices.

Any suggestions?

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Parenting Teenagers - 5 Big Fat Lies to Being a Perfect Parent

Author: Terre Grable
As a counselor, I have seen many parents run themselves ragged trying to be "The Perfect Parent" to their teenager. When their efforts fall short and the relationship with their teenager is lacking, many parents can feel frustrated and disappointed. Here are some myth busters of how to be the Perfect Parent.



In order to have a good relationship with my teenager, I need to:



1. Spend every waking moment with my teenager



Somehow there is a lofty thought that a good relationship with teenagers begins with spending all day, every day with them. As if "Perfect Parents" are the ones that spend all of their free time with their teenagers, filling their days shopping at the mall, or working gleefully together in the back yard.



Yes, and no! Spending time with their parents is something that most teenagers really want, and enjoy doing. However, teenagers also crave their independence. It is better to find a time and consistently meet with them, than to try to overcrowd your teenager. As in the end, this can drive a teenager crazy.



2. Have a serious discourse of the philosophy of life every morning.



Mornings can be a difficult time of the day for parents and teenagers. Hurried parents are often trying to get their just woken up teenagers out the door, usually with some sort of half - eaten pastry hanging out of their mouths.



Save the in depth philosophical discussions for a time when there are no distractions. Make the mornings as smooth as possible. For many people, how they start their morning will determine their mood for the remainder of the day.



3. Use every last penny of my paycheck for my teenager's every whim



Parents want the best for their teenagers, and enjoy being able give their teenagers those gifts and gadgets they did not have during their adolescence. However, sometimes parents can get carried away and over extend themselves financially, while trying to give their teenager the best life possible.



The irony is that most teenagers do not necessarily want a lot of money showered on them. Now don't get me wrong, most will accept monetary gifts and extravagance. But if a parent is trying to show love by spending money on them, this very well may backfire. Teenagers are quite keen at being able to distinguish between authentic affection and purchased admiration.



4. Know the answers to all of their questions



As a parent, we want to be the "go to person" for our teenager. However, some parents assume filling this position means they have to be the knowledgeable sage for all of life's problems. As if their inability to give an answer is equivalent to being a failure as a parent.



Horse Hockey! What is a parent to do? Find someone that may know the answer. Being able to point your teenager into the right direction will encourage self determination, and it will show that you are listening and taking their questions seriously.



5. Be the "cool" parent



Many parents attempt to be the "cool" parent that blends into the teenage crowd. They dress the part, listen to the same music as their teenager, and even try to pick up the current slang of the day. While the intention of wanting to connect to the teenage world is noble, often this can result in embarrassment for both you and your teenager.



Instead, just be yourself. This is not to say that as a parent your dress attire cannot be current and contemporary. Nor that you cannot share any similar taste in music or popular culture with your teenager. However, the rule of thumb is authenticity rather than resorting to becoming an adolescent yourself by trying to "fit in." You would probably find that your teenager's respect for you is not based in what you wear, but in who you are.
About the Author:
Are you looking for more practical solutions for parenting your teenager? I invite you to check out http://www.parentingyourteenager.com/ where you will find more information to help parents and teens become better friends when they feel like enemies.
Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Parenting Teenagers - 5 Big Fat Lies to Being a Perfect Parent

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