When Your Child Has A Problem

Image by DonnaGrayson via Flickr

I try and discuss kids on this blog because I love kids and I want them to live the best life possible. I spend a lot of time with other people's kids. I want to come back to something more personal this entry. I have mentioned before that I am the mother of three children. I have two sons who are 12 and 9 and a daughter who is 4.

This week my son who is 9 and in 3rd grade was suspended from school and may be expelled. He made a really stupid decision and took one of my boyfriend's pocket knife to school. I was so shocked when I received the call from the principal, I even cried a little. I think I am a good parent and I spend a lot of time and effort on my kids. We spend family time together, they play sports, we talk. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and wondering why my child had chosen to make such a dumb decision. He is only nine but very mature for his age. I know he knew better.

So I wanted to share what we are doing as a family to try and rectify the situation and I want any advice or maybe similar stories people feel like sharing.

First consequence was total restriction from all privileges -- tv, video games, computer, mp3 player, and friends.

Second consequence was taking away all violent toys & games (nerf guns, play weapons, etc)

Third consequence was doing chores at home during school hours like yard work, and house chores.

Fourth consequence was writing apology letters to teacher and principal at school.

Fifth consequence is going to happen tomorrow at taekwondo. We just enrolled him in taekwondo last week but they are really great about taking an active interest in his life already. When I told his instructor about the incident at school the instructor was more than willing to help with my son.

I also had a police officer come to the house the next day and talk with my son about what could have happened if he would have pulled the knife out and tried to use it as self defense. He was saying that is why he brought the knife to school in the first place. He said a kid is bullying him on the way home from school. Unfortunately my son is already starting to have an issue with honesty so I don't know what to believe.

I know I have also mentioned in a previous blog that my ex and son's father is an addict, abuser, and liar. The kids don't have contact with him anymore because their Dad cannot be appropriate around them and put them in danger over the summer. I know that being in a verbally abusive relationship for almost ten years was very detrimental to my children. I also wonder about the genetics though. My middle son is so different than my oldest. They were both raised in the same environment but have different bio dads. I don't think my 12 year-old would ever even think about taking a knife to school and he is honest and a very straight laced kid. My middle son has had behavior issues since he was three. I am pretty concerned about what the future holds for my son and our family. One thing is for sure, I will never give up on him. I will try my hardest to help him make the right choices.

Any suggestions?

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