Image via WikipediaI don't know about your house, but my house has rules. I have three children who if left to their own devices would lay havoc to our home. They would eat junk all the time, stay up late, leave a mess everywhere they went, and totally ransack the house. I know this because I see how they act at their Grandparent's house where there are minimal rules and it ain't good. Not only does this lawlessness cause me a headache, it also isn't good for the children. Why....
Children need rules and boundaries to feel secure. Discipline done right is one of the most important ways to show a child you care about them. We are from nature so I look to nature for answers. When it comes to parenting and rearing young in nature, there is always rules and boundaries. If there wasn't, your young would die. So boundaries at their foundation arise to keep offspring alive and safe. What do most of the boundaries we have today provide? Do they provide safety? Do we have curfews because we want to restrict our children's social lives, or do parent's know that nighttime is an unsafe time for kids to be wondering around unsupervised. Girls get raped, boys get drunk and drive or do macho stunts to show how tough they are.
But aren't kids smart enough to make choices for themselves? No. Even better, hell no. I sat in many a juvenile delinquency class debating the juvenile justice system. Why do we have a juvenile justice system? Why don't we just throw all kids who commit crimes into the adult system? Well for one reason it is to protect them from the adults who could take advantage of the kid. However, the main reason is that it has been scientifically proven that juveniles have not developed the rational thinking areas of their brain and are not capable of making the same decisions and conclusions as an adult. Kids don't think about consequences, they think about right now.
So, in terms of the shelter, you have to have rules. They are necessary to keep a household running smoothly. It is not to be mean, it is to create a harmonious living environment for all the kids. Boundaries are necessary and beneficial. It doesn't make the facility jail, it makes it a functional home. The kids push against the boundaries because they most likely have never been in a functional home, but they adjust, and they flourish.
You have to have boundaries with your kids. You are not their friend, you are their protector. They need these boundaries when they are young and then when they become teenagers it isn't such a struggle to regain control. Most of the kids at the shelter are here because there were no boundaries in their home when they were young and now their parents are trying to enforce rules the kids don't agree with. That and some dysfunction in the family structure. If all parents would just put the hard work in when their kids were young, the teenage years could be a positive time instead of war. Think about it...
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